About Brent Michael Kelley by Spicy Hambone:
The BMK in question is from Bruce, WI. At present, I live in West St. Paul with my roommate Bjorn. I work for SignArt Company out of Mendota Heights, MN, where I design signs for a living. Wall signs, pylons, monuments, directionals, vinyl graphics, exposed neon, and internally-illuminated are just a few of the words that mean a helluva lot more to my daily routine than they do to yours.
Expecting that the only people who will ever view this already know me, I still submit that I am a graduate of UW Stout, down there in Menomonie, WI. They all told me it couldn't be done. My response was, "Of course it can! Eleven people every year graduate with a degree in that field from Stout." Which was, of course, absolutely true and not in dispute. Yes, they're called doctors. You're very original.
You see, I thought about writing this as an absent kind of "Brent lives in MN and works at SA and enjoys stuff. He also likes things, and is even known to attend functions." I decided just one minute ago that I might as well write this like it was me writing it, so bear with me. Or go look at the other stuff and figure out how to put your money in my pocket. Now, while you do that, I'll continue indulging myself with this section.
Ahem. Now, as I was saying, I graduated from Stout with a degree in Industrial Design. And on my diploma it says in big, Gothic-type letters: BACHELOR OF FINE ARTS , then below that in little gothicy letters it says: art . But as far as valueless ceremonial documents go, it's one of my best.
And it took very nearly a full year to get a job in my field. My family and close friends were very helpful during that year. That was when I went and bounced around Germany with my sister for a couple weeks, visiting the Fischers and the Reutemanns. I worked for my cousin Kal, then my uncle Tom. I had a yard sale and sold some stuff. Incidentally, this is also the period in my life where I learned to play the piano fluently and developed my appreciation for Becks Beer.
What I like to do is paint and write about my buddy Chuggie. You yourself may discover some of my work at this very website. You might see some artwork that I did or read something I have written. Sal Dali or Tom Waits I am not. I'm not as good at painting as Dali was at ten. I am in awe at the poetry of Tom Waits. So they were better than me. Does that mean the things I do have no value? No. Somebody somewhere might like my stuff. That's a good enough reason for me to make it. God, I can't wait till I get my airbrush. Then, my pedigreed chums, you will see a large body of work emerge! On the other hand, I wonder if you can airbrush in a one-bedroom apartment. Doesn't it seem like you'd want decent ventilation? Well, you'll be able to find out all about it right here!
So, I like to paint on the abstract side. My artistic influences include Francis Bacon, Dali, Ralph Steadman, Chet Zar, Alex Grey, Todd McFarlane, Jhonen Vasquez, Tim Burton, Rob Zombie, and a ton of other bitchin' artists that I don't feel like typing out at this moment. Of those listed, I find the most common ground with Bacon. His work was largely about how the viewer reacts to his imagery. That is largely what my work is about. You look at it and react in your brain and that is your experience. It is unique to you, and never to be fully shared by another living thing. And this reaction is the dialogue that we share, painter and viewer.
The Brandy is straight and on ice. It is purely to combat my oncoming cold.
Musically, I keep very odd favorites, when you list them together through the miracle of movable type. I listen to Tom Waits almost exclusively. The same is true for Tool, Sublime, Rob Zombie, Violent Femmes, Nick Cave, Nine Inch Nails, the Butthole Surfers, Throw the Fight, the Prodigy, Bloodhound Gang, and APC. There are also several other bands that I listen to almost exclusively that I'm not going to list here. But let me assure you, they do not include Linkin Park, ICP, Creed, POD. Those last I would not even mention, were I not able immediately to add that I assign no artistic value to their mass-produced, formulaic, thoughtless "music." The first group of musicians, while generally just as mass-produced, have artistic merit - and by the gallon! A friend of mine, Nick Peterson, once told me, "Brent, your taste in music is flawless, and your skill at playing said music on any instrument is boggling. I will spend the rest of my life wishing I could be you." And no one ever heard from Nick again! I'm not sure how that relates, but that will be posted here for a very long time!
But I also mentioned that I like writing. And I do. My literary influences are obvious if you know them: Eddie Izzard, Tom Waits, Hunter Thompson, Frank Herbert, Stephen King, Chuck Palahniuk, Steven Hawking. So, maybe someday you can read some of my writing on this page as well. The writing may include short stories, excerpts from longer short stories, recipes, excerpts from a really long story, excerpts from recipes, or recipes for excerpts. You don't have to read them. It will be quite sufficient for me to know that you could.
Now you know everything there is to know about me, no detail left un-comprehended. We are one. And without thinking about it, at this very instant, our minds unite to speak random and hilarious profanity. Say the profanity with me, it's our secret...Because I'm in your mind now. And you invited me. The whole time you were reading this, you were only opening the floodgates for Spicy Hambone. Heh. Now I control you.
Sincerely and truthfully,
Spicy Hambone
Extra special, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" to:
John Wayne, Wayne Newton, and Olivia Newton-John. |
